He's NOT my dictator!
by DokuroTenshi
Summary: You held me hostage and now you want me to be your lackey! Yeah right Mr Country. I'm so not following your rule. Alice is just your average girl until she accidentally falls into the world of Hetalia. Now she has to deal with cute, power hungry countries while trying to find a way home.
1. Falling in

**Welcome to my first Hetalia fic, He's NOT my dictator! Its kinda hard writing this cos Fanfiction's acting up =_= Well, I hope you enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoy writing it :D PASTAAAAA~  
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**CLAIM: I do not own Hetalia or Harry Potter or Alice in Wonderland or anything else I might have made a reference to~ **

** Hohoho, I do own my OC and this plot though!**

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….BOOM.

There it was. Yet another explosion.

"There there! Can't you hear that?" I cried to my mother, in my excitement, almost dropping the fire wood I'd been holding. However, I knew that it was a futile attempt to ask her. She couldn't hear a single one of the mini explosions even though they've been going on for a while now. I'm well aware that my mother's hearing isn't that good but the least she could do was to try to spare some effort to listen for the next one. And I'm sure its going to happen again.

"There's nothing there Alice dear. The only thing I can hear right now is the sound of nature~" Well that explains it. Explosions are definitely not normal nature behaviour. Not normal. Then what is it?

"Er mom, I'm going to go get more fire wood for dad." I muttered before stalking out of the campsite hurriedly at my mom's nod of approval. I moved quickly, partially to get away from my mom and her mental nature filter and mostly to investigate for myself the loud noises.

For some unfathomable reason, my dad woke up one morning and decided that he wanted to go camping. Because of that, my mom and I were forced to pack our bags and spend three whole days of my precious holiday in the middle of a bug infested forest. That's seventy two hours of my life that I'm never getting back. Of course, my mom was only too glad to go camping. Leaving me to be the only 'sourpuss' as they refered to it.

Well to be fair, its really beautiful here. The sunlight that filters in through the canopy of leaves give the winding path a mysterious ambiance. The trees are covered in moss and almost every surface was green and leafy. As I walked, I could almost feel the presence of hiding animals in the trees and bushes. See mom, I can be poetic when I want to be.

BOOM.

There it is again! Only, it sounded much louder now. Maybe the explosions weren't as mini as I had thought them to be. It sounded as though it was coming from deeper into the forest. However, to fully be able to investigate, I'd need to go off the trail. Well, 'Alice' needs to follow the white rabbit right? Sparing a small smirk to myself, I barreled headlong through the bushes. I only hope I can find my way back... I'm especially awful at directions.

The explosions proved easy enough to follow. As I went deeper, they got louder and louder and now it was almost painful. I crouched under a bush, waiting for the next explosion so I can get another lead. However, instead of hearing an explosion, I heard voices. Slightly muffled male voices. Thinking about it, I suppose that it wasn't that strange that there'd be people near the explosions. I mean, someone had to be causing it. For all you know, it could be a totally awesome fight between Voldemort and Harry Potter! If it is, I hope Harry wins even though he's kinda useless… It would suck if the world was taken over by a guy without a nose. Not that I'm against nose-less people of course.

As the voices got more agitated, I was jolted out of my daydeams and back to the situation on hand. Darn. I can't understand a thing they're saying. Maybe I'll just go a little bit closer… I lept up from the bush and ninja-ed my way towards the voices. (Because I don't wanna get caught, duh. Plus ninja's are totally cool and I could use my ninja skills that I cultivated by sneaking about school when my homework doesn't get done)

I rounded the area stealthily finally coming beside the voices. They still seemed muffled although they were louder than ever at the moment. As if someone had them gagged. OMG maybe I found some terrorist hostages? However, when I peered into the space from behind my handy dandy bush, there was no one there. Not even a soul.

The area in front of me was, like the rest of the forest, green and alive. The bush I was hiding behind was part of a bunch that grew in a circle around the small area as if there was something there. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I heard a muffled voice once more. It now sounded more irritated then ever. And it sounded like it was coming from that flat area itself. Well… That's mildly disturbing. As I moved onto the area, my toe stubbed itself slightly on a piece of raised? Land. Oh, the vines were concealing something. Throwing caution to the wind, I got down on my hands and knees and pulled at the vines.

It was some sort of plaque on the ground. A world map was engraved on it with the names of the countries carved in different handwriting. From the looks of it, its centuries old and totally undisturbed before my arrival. That. Is. Totally. Awesome. I may have made the archeological discovery of a lifetime and get exempted from History class after this in honor of my awesomeness! But the voices were definitely coming from this flat piece of ground. As I moved to run my fingers over the strangely mesmerizing piece of rock, my fingers felt as if they were sinking into the rock. Suddenly, my hand felt was pulled into the freaking rock like a vaccum. With a scream, my entire lurched forward, getting pulled into the rock to follow my hand.

Pfft. Nature abhors the vaccum huh? They've got black holes littered as deceiving rocks so they're good. I fell through the blackness until my feet slammed against solid ground. Wobbling, I fell down on my but quite ungracefully. Not that I was plenty graceful in the first place but still… I seemed to still be in the forest though the vaccum plaque with the map was nowhere in sight. Well that was… Odd.

"Aiyah! What are you can't do that Russia!"

"Why not? It seems fine da."

"But its too dangerous aru! You can't just put mines everywhere! What if one of us gets caught on it? Its lucky I'm still alive!"

Mines? Did that angry Chinese guy say mines? Well, the secret of the explosions have just been solved. Wait. Where'd he come from anyway? Did my ninja skills get outdone? And the guy he's yelling at as well… I can only guess from my experience of watching bad movies but was the other one, Russian?

As I struggled to get up, my failing foot sent one of the large pebbles flying a good five to ten meters away from me. Oh shit. The ground's rumbling. No way, that'll be waaay too coincidental. I think running would be a good option right now.

As I moved to hightail it, I barely got up before I was blown off my feet from the source of the explosion. It slammed me on to the ground after throwing me back a couple of meters. As I struggled to remain conscious, I heard a shocked yelp followed by the sound of feet slamming against the ground as it ran. I stared into a pair of dark brown eyes and strange violet ones, just before I lost myself to the darkness.


	2. Its good to listen once in a while

**OMG I actually got reviews for the first chapter? Thanks so much! Uhuhu this chapter is longer than I expected actually~ Although that might just be cos of all ze talking ._. Hehe, all the things in other languages I translated using google translate so forgive me if it sounds odd :D Oh well, what's life without a few awkward sentences eh? **

**CLAIM: I do not own Hetalia, Alice in wonderland or any type Marvel comics~ But I do own my Oc and this plot! **

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Truth be told, I never really did care much for the Alice of Wonderland. Although I love the story, (Its like the most awesomely disturbing story ever!) I've always found Alice to be a bit of an idiot for getting herself into such ridiculous situations. Well, I guess I can't really talk can I? Huh. I guess curiosity really killed the cat. Or the name's cursed…Or or black holes just have something against Alices!... I hereby blame my parents for giving me that name.

"Are you sure she's not dead?"

"Juat knocked out da~ The bombs that I placed were not that powerful. I wouldn't waste good ammunition here da."

"Aiyah I told you that a civilian might get hurt if you did that!"

"Thinking about it, is she even a civilian? Isn't it a bit odd for a normal person to be wondering about the forest so close to our base?"

"AHA! So she's a spy?"

"How evil to use a _belle-fille_ against us!"

"… The hair curl… Obviously Italian… This must have been Germany's idea."

"Then, should I make her silence more permanent da?"

"NOO!"

"Ah, ze _demoiselle_ is awaking."

Ugh. Every part of me hurts… Well, that's a good sign I suppose. Means I'm still in one piece. As I pulled my heavy eyelids open, the first thing I see is a guy standing sideways. OMG is he spiderm- oh wait, I'm the one that's horizontal… The guy has blonde, long-ish hair for a guy, just brushing his shoulder in waves. He's dressed in some flashy purple outfit and acting like your stereotypical villain, swirling wine in a glass while smirking at me… Dude, that is NOT the most reassuring sight to find upon waking up. Where am I? The room seems just as fancy as the couch I'm lying on, probably a large room in some mansion.

Now that I'm getting coherent enough to look around properly, the room holds a bunch of guys, not just him. Some dude in a bomber jacket, a guy in a green military outfit, the Chinese dude from before in a qi pao and a tall guy dressed fully in white complete with a scarf. Does he not notice that its so ridiculously hot? Does he have like an air con built in there?

They must have carried me in when I got blown up… But wow, the entire lot of them are insanely handsome. Its like the plot from one of those trashy romance novels when you find that hot guys saved your life and you end up falling in love or something… Mom never lets me read the really juicy parts… OH OMIGOSH are they part of some rich lady's reverse harem? That'll explain the fancy house and need for protection and the weird getup... But mines are kinda excessive…

"So you're awake Italian. Haha, are you scared now that you've been caught by a hero?" The blonde bespectacled guy in the bomber jacket asked laughing loudly in an obvious American accent.

Scared? Hero? _Italian?_ Pfft. By hero I hope he doesn't mean himself. That's ego dude. Even for me. "Hero? Where? I don't see one~ Anyway, I'm not Italian…" I said as calmly as I could with my mouth twitching into a slight smirk ruining my calm façade. The guy's face immediately dropped into an adorable pout.

Before the American guy could open his mouth again, the guy with bushy eyebrows in the green military outfit shoved him out of the way and spoke in a heavy British accent. "So you think it's a good idea to spy on the Allies huh?"

"I wasn't spying! I got… Lost…" I'd rather not tell this guy all the gory details of falling through holes. That might put me in a more difficult situation than I already am in... Besides, who'd wanna spy on a harem of hot guys? Oh okay riggghhhhtt….

"Hoho zat iz not ze best excuse when your Italian haircurl so obviously tells your nationality!"

I blushed furiously. He's picking on my hair now? Let me see him get thrown down a hole, run around in a forest and get blown up while still looking good. Now, my hair is black and slightly curly, coming down just past my shoulders. All except a single annoying strand of hair on the side of my head that's shorter than the rest. Because its shorter, the curl is more prominent and it sticks out. People, (including my parents those traitors), like to make fun of it a lot so I usually keep it down with some gel. What's so effing Italian about a freaking haircurl?

"I-It'll grow longer eventually! And I'm NOT some Italian spy. I'm Singaporean for heaven's sakes!" Well, that stunned them…

The five men stared at me, eyes wide at my proclamation of nationality. Isin't it obvious though? We ARE in Singapore. At least, I think we still are… While the man with bushy eyebrows widened his eyes slightly in recognition, the other five remained clueless.

"A good idea to pin your country as one so very far away. And exactly how then would you have arrived at our base in England? A spy would lie though wouldn't they?"

"I'M NOT A SPY!"

"That's exactly what a spy would say! Haha, you can't fool the hero!" Are these guys a little short of a full brain or something? They're not listening to me! Listen dammnit! They're completely ignoring me!

"What if we hold her captive aru? We might be able to lure the Axis Powers that way."

"Hohoho~ Good idea China! We can keep her in my room-OW!"

"You bloody frog, don't touch the hostage!"

Are these guys serious? They're actually going to hold me against my will? And all to 'lure' in some 'Axis Powers' WTH is that?

"You guys are insane. This isn't even funny anymore. Not that it was before but… Um you get my point. Who the hell are these Axis Powers and who are you guys?"

The caterpillar brows gave me an odd look before answering.

"That's so like Italy to send in an uninformed spy. I'm England, that's China, Russia America and France" the guy said, pointing at his comrades with a careless flick of his hand.

I stared. And stared some more. "You're named after the countries you're from? That's kinda sad."

"Nah dude, we're the human personifications of the countries!"

Well, that'll take some time to sink in. At least I know one thing now. I've been kidnapped by a bunch of delusional history freaks. How wonderful~

"What is your name? It is only fair to know that now da."

"… Alice." My throat felt a bit constricted as I tried to plan a desperate last minute attempt at an escape. I doubt even yelling is going to help me now though. Its five against one so fighting isn't gonna be an option either plus they're all beefy looking guys... Darn. Why is my common sense so pessimistic?

"Well, Miss Alice, I hope you enjoy your stay under the Allied Powers." The moment the caterpillar brows said that, I felt a hand chop the back of my neck karate style. Ahh darkness, how fare thee old friend~?


	3. The plight of a teen hostage

**Thank you so much for the reviews! It makes me really glad people appreciate this story :D Ehehe I'm able to upload faster cos its the weekend~ YEAH MAN! ****ITS WORLD CAPS LOCK DAY! (In my book at least) So I'm commemorating it by using it excessively in this chapter~ :3**

**CLAIM: I do not own Hetalia only my OC~**

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Now, since we're gonna go with the fact that I seem to have just as much bad luck as the Alice of Wonderland, don't I get even some lease? I mean, at least Alice gets to wander around a bit before getting taken by the Queen of Hearts and all. I'm in England for heaven sakes! Don't I get visitors rights or something? I'd like to at least see the big ben, I mean I'm never gonna have the opportunity to come here again. That is, if I get out of here alive of course.

"I DEMAND TO SEE MY EMBASSY!"

"Your have an embassy da?"

"I HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!"

"…"

Yeah, basically I took to shouting every line I've ever heard from police dramas upon waking up. And yes, they put the Russian pyromaniac in charge of watching me. Or should I say stalking me. The dude's been staring at me for this whole entire time! I know I'm beautiful and awesome and held hostage but isn't that all that watching a tad bit excessive?

Right now I'm shouting while sitting on this very plush and posh king sized bed in one of the fancy bedrooms here. (Situating myself as far from Russia as possible) They initially wanted to treat me as an actual hostage, meaning shoving me in a dungeon somewhere, but the English bushy brows thought that since I was a lady, it would be unfitting to put me there. Go figure. The late afternoon sun is streaming through the window, bathing the room in a warm golden red glow. Russia's sitting on a chair a near the door staring me down. Isn't this just the loveliest setting for a romance drama? I'm surprised there isn't any heartfelt songs being played by an unseen orchestra yet. By the way, that was sarcasm.

Russia hasn't moved an inch other than to answer my shouting once in a while, always with his unceasing smile. This guy is definitely giving off the rapist aura. Suddenly, as if reading my mind, Russia stood up and strode over to me. Heart thumping, he lent down, grabbed me by the shoulders and started to speak.

"Become one with mother Russia da?"

Yup. Definitely a rapist.

"HUUH? G-Get away from me you creep! HELP!" I screamed, going completely pale as the tall imposing Russian man continued to smile down at me.

I grabbed a wide fluffy pillow from beside me and held it up, ready to be used as a weapon if really necessary. Luckily for once, the door to my personal prison opened, revealing China, America and England. At least the dudes had good timing. Time seemed to pause briefly as everyone froze in place, taking in the scene in front of them. Which would be me, holding a fear-inducing pillow of death in front of my face to protect myself, while Russia continued to stare me down in hopes of me becoming one with him.

China seemed to snap out of it the fastest. Racing over while yelling "AIYAHH!" he wrenched Russia off of me and stepped between us in one swift movement.

"You cannot make her one with you aru!" Seriously, this guy's acting more heroic than the American hero in the bomber jacket. Oh wait, he's shaking in his qi pao…

"That's okay. After all, one day, all will be one with me da." He dosen't seemed put off in the least at the intrusion. In fact, as if to add on to the creepiness of that statement, Russia. Is. Still. Smiling.

"Dude, you can't steal all my hero moments! I was gonna save her from Russia!" America whined, walking over to China and me. Now I'm seriously worried. Can they ACTUALLY read my mind?

"Maybe it isn't such a good idea to leave her with Russia… We should rotate the guards then."

"Oooh then as the resident hero here, I'll take next watch!" And with that, I was stuck for the rest of the day listening to America rave about the wonderfulness of calorie loaded fast food.

Russia talks too little and creeps me out. America just talks too much and annoys the crap outa me. Hey. That's my job as the hostage to annoy my captors. Not the other way round. He's loud and somehow still able to talk, or more like mumble, without choking on the burger and soda that he's constantly consuming.

I was pretty suspicious of the laws of physics ever since I fell through the plaque and down the hole but now I'm seriously beginning to question it. Where does America even put all that food? It seems to me like its appearing through the magical portal that is the inside of his jacket. But I'm getting a little too tired to properly wonder about that at the moment. Apparently, falling unconscious twice in one day really takes it out of you. Even when America offered me one of his many burgers as my dinner, I wasn't able to say yes. I was hungry, sure, but I was not going to eat any of his mystery burger X. No matter how many times he claims that its from his beloved Macdonalds. Besides, I to carry out my plan to get out of here. My one last resort.

"Are you gonna follow me IN the bathroom?" I asked America snappily as he made to walk into the loo with me. We had gone from my captive room into a different hallway at my plea to use the toilet.

"But I'm supposed to watch you!"

"...GET OUT YOU PERVERT!"

"H-Hey! I didn't mean it that way! I'm not France! Oh um okay then, I'll just.. stand outside…"

After I finally convinced my clingy captor to wait outside while I used the loo, (thank god I'm a girl) ,I was finally able to carry out my plan. Whipping out my handphone from my back pocket, I quick as a flash punched in my mom's mobile number and waited on bated breath for her to pick up. England is just on the other side of the Earth right? So there'd still be connection. I mean, its not like its in another world or something. Unfortunately, from the other end, I could hear an odd beeping noise that I've been dreading.

No signal. With an odd choking noise coming from the back of my throat, I slid down on the hard cold marble floor, phone still clutched in my hand. The room went blurry as I concentrated stifling the hysterics.

Rip rip rip. Gasp gasp gasp.

I'm actually in another world.

Gasp gasp.

"Uh are you ok in there?"

There's no such thing as 'human personification of countries' in my world.

Gasp. Rip rip.

Falling into another world. Seriously, how clichéd is that?

Sob sob sob.

How am I supposed to wake up from this dream and get home?


	4. Scone is the word

**Sorry for the late update OTL. And gomen if its kinda short... I wanted to leave a cliff hanger -insert evil smile here- School's been cruel, my computer's PMS-ing and a lot of other crap's been going on… But yeah, its here now! :D Sorry if it's a bit weird, I just kinda skimmed through it~ Hope you like it, and thank you so much for the reviews! **

"Miss Alice, wake up."

"Miss Alice. MISS ALICE!"

"Mmmpf… Pillow~"

"Mon cherie~ Please awake…"

As I floated in the land in-between sleep and the world of the awaken, I felt soft hair brush my cheek slightly and hot breath in my ear for a second before the presence above me was gone. Now replaced by a vaguely familiar British voice screeching at the top of his lungs.

"YOU BLOODY FROG WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU"RE DOING? I'm still in the room damnit!"

Finally abandoning all attempts at sleep, I ripped my eyes open to watch England and France rolling around on the floor, trying their best to gouge each other's eyes out. For a few minutes I watched the two of them in morbid fascination while I silently egged on England in my head (What? He saved me from whatever France was trying to do, which I don't really want to know anything of until I'm twenty one…)

They really don't look like they're gonna stop anytime soon… Aren't they supposed to be allies? And America is still snoring like a chainsaw in his corner oblivious to everything else. Just thinking of America at the moment is making my face heat up in embarrassment. I hate it when people see me break down. I mean, I'm just too cool for that sort of thing.

VERY BRIEF FLASH BACK~ **(cos the author's lazy)**

"_DUDE! ARE YOU OKAY?" Without bothering to wait for a response, America burst through the locked door as if it was a mere plank in his way. Twisting around and showering my curled form with wood splinters, America's breath stopped when he saw me. _

_Rushing over, he held me up by the shoulders and proceeded to try and shake me into a less comatose state. Despite not really wanting to answer his frantic questions, when I realized that my neck was in real danger of snapping, I pushed him away._

"_Go away. You're causing me more harm than good." I hated that my voice sounded so high and cracked. Like some boy going through puberty._

"_D-Dude… Are you crying? Oh gosh NO NO don't cry! The hero is here!" _

_After some unsuccessful attempts of trying to get him to stop TRYING to comfort me, America finally gave up on his case, stood up, slung me on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and ran me back to the room._

"Oh you're awake." England stated from under France, his green eye fixing itself on my face. Despite my best efforts, my face heated up under his gaze and I ran my fingers through my very messy curly black hair. Well, it was still kinda embarrassing to have a cute guy look at you when you're a mess… Rubbing their sore spots, the two guys started to get up looking so calm as if they hadn't been fighting only a second ago.

"I wanted to tell you that the Axis Powers has answered us and plan to… Rescue you…" England said smiling rather evilly.

"Oui. Italy said, Ve! Germany will come and save you!"

Wow… Someone's actually coming to save me? Another country it seems but… A hero's still a hero right?

"Oh, and I brought you some food. Heh, I knew you wouldn't have eaten America's disgusting burgers." England said, sniffing huffily as if his food was better than the sweaty stowed away burgers. Most probably is.

England walked over to my bedside table and handed me a tray of warm food from it. Scones with tea and jam. Very… British. "Baked them myself," he said proudly.

As I smelled the sweet scent of tea (the scones were suspiciously un-smell able) I realized how ravenously hungry I was. I had skipped lunch and dinner the previous day after all. I wolfed down the scones, trying hard to ignore the bland dryness of the food and forced it down with the sweet tea. When I finally finished, I looked up, a bit shocked to realize that the both of them were still standing there, only now America had woken and joined in.

England had an odd mixture of joy and shock plastered on his face while the other two's simply foretold their surprise.

"Dude… You ate it… All of it…"

"You are really not from Italie are you?"

I stopped short for a moment, taken aback. "So you've finally decided to believe me!... Why though?"

"Italians are gourmets. They'd never eat Iggy's food. No matter what."

"Nonsense. She just realizes how wonderful my cooking is!..."

"Angleterre. Ze mademoiselle really izn't from Italie."

"You can't deny it Iggy. Your food sucks."

"IT IS NOT! W-well, if what you say is true… Then what about the plan to use her as bait for the Axis Powers?"

Suddenly all three of their faces changed to represent one identical thought. Oh shit.


	5. Of plush toys and talking wardrobes

**Thanks so much for the reviews I got so far I'm writing this super late at night cos I wanted it to be up before tomorrow XD I'mma gonna die sleeping in class… I included a bit of some episodes like ep 5 I think? But I changed it round a bit cos I've got no time to rewatch it at the moment –sighs- Plus I wrote this while listening to that Numa Numa song and looking at various drunk England photos so you know there's gonna be craziness in there XD So well yeah I'll shut up now, enjoy and if its not too bold to ask, review please da? **

**CLAIM: I do not own Hetalia, if I did, the flying mint bunny would have been a main character. But I do own Alice and this plot~**

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You'd think I'd have remembered. Its bad enough that I decided to just blindly eat food given to me by people that might or might not be countries. Alice of Wonderland had a variety of strange effects happen to her when she ate food from Wonderland. She eats a cake and she grows bigger. I eat a scone and my supposed Italian-ness is suddenly renounced….. Yeah.

Let me give you a low down of what just transpired after I ate the scone and became Singaporean again. The short tempered British guy started screaming at nobody in particular (his eyebrows furrowed together quite fascinatingly actually). The French dude got tired of being quiet and started yelling back (I have my suspicions that he's just doing that to further annoy England). And America just stood back and laughed loudly while proclaiming something about giant robots. The chaos brought the other two, the creepy Russian and the rather feminine looking Chinese guy into the room too. Now they're having some sort of 'top secret' Allied Forces conference inside my room… How so very professional. Not.

Unsurprisingly, it took them less than ten minutes for them to start yelling at each other again. China yelled at Russia for hurting a civilian. England yelled at them for kidnapping the wrong person and relaying untrue information. America just yelled so he wouldn't seem quiet. France just leant back on his chair and smirked at me when he thought England wasn't watching. Just as I was about to contribute my own screaming services to stop them from casing me such a headache, a soft voice beside me spoke up.

"Uh… Please stop fighting… I need to tell you all something…"

Pausing in mid breath, I turned my head around slowly to stare at the guy beside me. He was just as cute as the rest of the guys, with light brown, almost blonde, hair with a single strand forming a very long curly curl, unlike mine, sprouting from the top of his head. He's dressed in some warm looking tan winter coat and is holding a giant adorable polar bear plushie in his hands. Did I also mention that he's kinda transparent? Like I can see the wall behind him, through him, kind of transparent.

"HOLY SHIT! A GHOOOSTT! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DISTRESSED SOUL! I HAVE GHOST BUSTERS ON SPEED DIAL AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO CALL THEM!"

The ghost dude just watched me with wide eyes. Then, without warning, the toy bear looked up at the guy and asked, "Who are you?"

I froze on the bed. The bear just talked. The TOY bear just questioned the identity of its see-through owner. Well, wasn't that creepy? Whipping my head around, I was met with five pairs of eyes questioning my sanity.

"Uh hey dude, what're you talking about?" America asked looking quite pale and quivering slightly. "Wh-what ghost?"

"What do you mean where? Its right there! Look with the giant talking toy bear!" I shrieked gesturing madly at the guy who was now staring at me with wide eyes. America gave a small squeak and half ran behind England.

"You can see me?" He asked hopefully smiling tentatively at me. I slid further away from him on the bed. Oh shit. Now that he knows I'm the only one that can see him and talk to him, he's gonna use me to fufill his ghostly needs. Like having me bring him to Arabia and teach him how to dance cos it was his life's dream to become a worl class belly dancer. And he won't leave me alone until I do everything he asks and he moves on. OMG.

"I SEE NO EVILLL!"

"Did you say a guy with a bear? O-Oh its you! Ah yeah… Who are you again?" England asked, jumping slightly as he squinted enough to see the guy in front of him.

"I'm Canada…"

"Canada? Like another country? Then why are you translucent? Ohmigosh are you like, training to become a ninja? ACTIVATE INVISIBILITY JUTSU!" Once again everyone in the room stared at me like I was crazy. Ppfftt. I can't believe that even now there are people who don't understand the awesomeness of ninjas.

"Has being held captive altered your mind da?" Hey. That was mean.

"Oh I have to say something about the situation. I heard from the scouts that the Axis Powers are already on the move!" Canada said, his face going pink in his effort to make use of the small space of time that everyone saw him.

"Already? But we haven't figured out what to do with ze mademoiselle…"

"HAHA fear not for I, the hero, have a plan! Let's just continue pretending that she's Italian and continue using her as bait! Then when the Axis Powers get there, we defeat them in the name of justice!" Justice? Weren't they the ones picking the fight? Ah whatever floats his boat I guess…

"Then we should get ready for the fight now and start planning aru."

"That's okay, I figured that part out too! All of you shall be my support while I act as the hero!" Well… You can guess that that statement lead to a whole round of bickering and random brawling of course. When they finally stopped fighting like a bunch of teenage girls catfighting for wearing the same shirt, they somehow decided on their plan. They were going to bring me along for the fight and use me to have them surrender while they carry out the rest of their plan. Personally, I didn't really understand what all the hoo ha was about. From the looks of it, the Axis Powers only had three men in charge. They had five (I doubt the ninja Canada and his talking bear can be counted). Its sorta obvious that they'd win unless they recruited the Hulk and the rest of the Avengers on the other team and that's highly unlikely. Well no matter what, I'm going to put my faith that the 'Axis Powers' are gonna save me. And stow away that pessimistic feeling in the back of my mind that this is not going to end well…

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**YAY WE'RE FINALLY BRINGING IN THE AXIS POWERS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER YEAH MAAANNNN~**


	6. Does this count as being saved?

**THE REVIEWS ARE FINALLY INTO THE DOUBLE-DIGITS -sheds manly tears- Thank you all that reviewed, favourited and followed this story! I was wayy to excited to write this... And I had a too little time so its kinda rushed I'm sorry... I followed ep 7 (I think? Sorry too lazy to check XD) I hope you guys enjoy it! Hey I just met you, and this is crazy but here's my number, so review maybe? ;D**

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The beach was beautiful. The palm trees rocked gently in the wind. The sound of the waves crashing onto the shore allowed me to relax. A soft sea breeze caressed my face as we waited atop the cliff.

"This place is waaay too scenic for a death match."

"Nope! This spot is perfect for an ambush!"

"How is it an ambush aru? They already know we're here…"

"Aww dude don't be so pessimistic! We'll be sure to win since the hero is here!" America proclaimed, striking a pose. He. Struck. A. Pose. What, did he think he was Sailor Moon or something? **(And if you don't know what sailor moon is, GO GOOGLE IT.)** Resist urge to laugh. Resist…. Okay well, you'd have most probably guessed by now that I'm not someone with much self restraint. Rolling on the floor, eyes streaming with mirth I was too busy laughing to hear the rest of America's rant.

With a sigh the bushy eyebrowed England pulled me back up to a sitting position by the ropes around me. While everyone was at the ready to attack, I was tied up on the floor. England was sent to keep constant watch over me during the fight, after barely surviving the clawing one I put up when he tried to tie me in the first place. I was tied up, mainly because they wanted me to look like a real war hostage…. (Annnnd cos Russia and France thought it might be fun.) Except without any bruises. Or torn clothes. But hey, I can still be considered a surviving prisoner of war right? I survived Russia's be-one-with-me attempt and England's cooking. That would make me pretty damn awesome on the list of war heroes don't ya think?

As I silently contemplated the option of singing the Numa Numa song just to relieve boredom and annoy England, a rush of sound caught my attention.

"Dudes! They're here! Quick, into positions! And Alice, not a word about your un-italianness!" Before I was even allowed an opening to complain about something or another like a true Singaporean, England gently pulled me to my feet and set me down at the edge of the cliff beside him, overlooking the beach below.

There were many things I would liked to have said at that moment but I didn't. And I'll let you know that I have practically no mental filter so, what I didn't say is what couldn't or never happened. Like I wanted to say that rainbow ice cream pooping unicorns suddenly flashed across the sky and came down to nibble on England's eyebrows. But (very unfortunately) that didn't happen. I would also liked to have said how totally cool and awesome the Axis Powers were when they arrived and looking like they could win the fight blindfolded and playing the Nintendo. But I couldn't so I'll just explain what happened with as much drama as I can pour into the relatively undramatic moment.

Standing there looking like he owned the place was a very large, fierce looking German dude. He had slicked blonde hair and was wearing a light blue uniform. Wow that was kinda surprising. I suppose a subconscious part of me had been thinking a Hitler look-alike with the small mustache would appear. Flanking him on either side was a small Japanese man, almost a head shorter than the German, in a white military uniform wielding a katana and a really terrified looking Italian dude holding a white flag on the other side. He had dark brown hair and a very distinctive curl, just like mine, sticking out of the side of his head.

Well, don't they look strong? Other than the German, the both of them looked like the type to fall when the wind blows. I was hoping for the Italian to be some super cool mafia with a violin case but well… Life just had to be a joker again. Are these people really my knights in shining armor?

"Woi. We're here to save Italy's citizen. So hand her over." The German guy said in a deep German accent. Whoa now that I'm getting a better look at them, they're all handsome. I suppose it's a common trait among country people…

"HAHAHA! Never! You Axis Powers have unknowingly fallen into our trap! As the hero, I say that now we will stop your evil doings in its path! CHINA I CHOOSE YOU!" At America's pokemon command, China leapt down from the cliff (screaming "AIYAAAAHH" all the way down I might add) and used WOK. No seriously, he pulled a wok out of nowhere and swung heavily at the German and the Japanese (who I suppose is Germany and Japan no doubt). Wait shouldn't America be fighting? Nope he's just standing there… With everyone else… just watching the fight… What'd these people even come for if they're just gonna stand there anyway?

"Italy! Don't forget the plan!" I heard Germany shout while dodging heavy blows from the Chinese man's cooking utensil.

At the German man's words, Italy raced up the side of the cliff (don't ask me how, he just managed to do it) and stood beside me. At the sight of the brown haired man, England pulled out a gun strapped to his belt and aimed it at him. Realising that these people might just be my best bet at an escape, I decided to try and help the Italian out. Leaping up as well as I could, I threw my weight into England, causing him to be knocked sideways into France. Taking advantage of that moment, Italy yanked me into his arms bridal style and hightailed it before either Russia or America even had time to turn around. With a grating scream, Italy flew, as in like literally flew past the battle area, our screams of terror (mine at his ridiculously inhuman speed and his at…. Well, everything else I presume) mingling as he carried me into the forest on the opposite of the cliff.

The moment Germany realized that Italy had gotten me, he yelled out "RETREAT!" and ran after us along with the Japanese guy. Aaaah… So that's what the Axis Power's winning plan was…

Italy didn't stop running until we arrived at a campsite. When he had finally stopped, I pried my trembling fingers from the front of his shirt and lifted my face from where it was buried in his shirt, to prevent myself form seeing the clouds of smoke the dude made when he ran at such top speed. Lowering myself shakily to the floor, the silence of the night was broken by rustlings in the bushes, revealing themselves to be Germany and Japan who had retreated after us so fast both their faces were red.

"I… Can't… Believe that plan worked…" Japan said, in between pants.

"You're pretty vee~" Italy stated almost immediately after checking if I was okay. By the tone of his voice and his actions, I suspect that there's not much happening in his head. Still, I blushed slightly at the comment and turned an even darker shade of crimson as he continued to watch me. His eyes were, surprisingly, clenched shut so I have no idea how he can even see me while like that. Wait. Don't tell me that he actually _ran_ with his eyes shut like that… It's a wonder how I'm still alive.

"Uhmm… Well! Thanks for saving me and all! D-do you want me to give you my handkerchief or something as a token of my overwhelming gratitude~?" I asked, trying in a vain attempt to lighten up the awkward atmosphere.

"You're not my citizen ve…"

"Oh er well…"

"What did you just say Italy? Not your citizen? Nein… They lied to us?" The huge German dude said, anger slowly creeping into his voice. Oh shit…

"Are you sure Italy-san? I mean there's no reason for them to lie right…"

'Vee… She's not from my country…" Wut? He could tell that just from looking at my face? That's talent dude. Seriously.

"You mean to say that we risked everything to rescue a fake Italian? So this is just some sort of trick from the Allied Forces huh!" Germany roared, a weird red cross thing appearing at the side of his forehead, somehow further highlighting his anger.

"H-Hey dude this isn't my fault. They kidnapped me thinking I was some Italian spy and I'm um… Not. So yeah, I thank you all for your heroic efforts in saving me and I'll just ya know… Go on home… So if you guys would be so kind as to point me in the right direction I'll be on my way now~" With a rather forced chuckle I tried to slide myself out of the German man's piercing blue gaze.

"Warten Sie. Where do you think you're going?" The said angry man asked placing a restraining hand on my shoulder.

"… Home?"

"Nein. I don't think so. After all the efforts we went through to get you and the planning"(what planning? All they did was grab me and ran!) "We won't let you just walk away. Heh. From now on you'll be the lackey of the Axis Powers!" Germany proclaimed, pointing his finger at me and smirking evilly, with murmurs of approval from Japan and Italy.

"Wait wait what? I'm not even a country! Nor am I even supposed to be in this world! I can't really do anything so why don't you just-"

"You can help us around the base camp then. Like with cleaning and cooking," Japan said calmly. Oh this just gets better and better dosen't it? Whatever happened to getting rescued? I'm just getting passed like a baton form one idiotic group of people to the next. Yay.

* * *

America stood there looking at the suddenly completely empty and dead silent battlefield. China was still frozen in shock at what just transpired, his wok still poised as if in attack.

"…. Dude, what just happened?"


	7. If zombies attack us, I'm tripping you

**A/N: THANK YUUU FOR THE REVIEWS~! I know that some of you are upset by the turn of events but this is just what you call an escape plan gone badly wrong XD. Oh and if you think that this chapter is a bit of a fail, I'm sorry... I've been watching HetaOni and was sort of depressed by the storyline there to write a totally awesome chapter TTATT. Just a heads up, I might not update next week because of my dire need to cram for my exams... I hope you enjoy~ Review please aru! **

**CLAIM: I do not own Hetalia~**

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"I believe zat we haf just beeen duped Amérique …" The Frenchman stated, shoving the messy blonde off of him.

"We were looking for a fight and they caught us in a grab and run." England snarled standing back up and retrieving his gun from where he had dropped it before.

The entire thing was just too surprising for the Allied Forces. Never would the thought to prepare for a situation like this even cross their mind. The stiff and strict German would never had been thought to use such a 'shameful' method. The Italian, although likely to be caught in a plan like that, would have been too terrified to do it himself. Perhaps it being his 'citizen' at stake, he was more willing to take the risk.

It was just like him to forget or not care to check whether he had actually sent a spy in the first place. Of course if he did, the entire plan would have been called a fraud and they wouldn't have gotten this far. But that amounted to nothing at this moment. Or perhaps there had been an _actual_ spy in their base. That would explain their immediate agreement. The mere thought made England shudder.

Then there was the Japanese. England had known him a long time and wouldn't have suspected him as to be the type to ever do such a thing. Of course, in the end, they were still enemies and England wouldn't have known everything about him. Still, he felt that the Asian man would have found this sort of act dishonorable…

"Well, what shall we do da?" Russia asked politely, a dark purple aura starting to radiate around him and he promptly pulled out his bloodstained water pipe. "They took our Alice…"

"Tch. We're getting her back duh! We can't let the Axis Powers go after humiliating us like this." America stated, his fist punching the air in a show of sudden excitement at another battle. He wasn't one to find a sadistic joy about fighting but he wasn't going to let this go after they did THAT to the hero.

The long haired Chinese man nodded in agreement, shouldering his wok and returning to the cliff. "I agree aru. Besides, Alice is not even supposed to be with them. Who knows what they're doing to her now…"

* * *

Three escape attempts. That's how many times my determination to get away failed miserably. I sort of gave up after the third, cos that whole third-time's-a-charm thing didn't seem to pull through for me.

The first time, I tripped over a sleeping Japan who, apologizing at his actions, dragged me back into the tent. The second time, I walked right into Germany who was outside doing his 'watch' (pppffffttt. All he's watching is the grass growing). Obviously, he dragged me back into the tent and stuffed me right in between Japan and Italy so they would make sure I didn't escape. My third escape attempt failed the worst as I tried to get up and Italy simply rolled on top of me, crushing me before Japan took notice and pulled him off. Needless to say, I came to terms with my awful luck and ceased the escape attempts.

Now, wonderfully bright and early in the morning, I was being hauled into some fancy off terrain SUV to be carted off to wherever the Axis Powers main base is. After some long debate between Italy and Germany, it was finally decided that Germany would drive (this notion was highly supported by Japan and I can't blame him. The first rule for a safe driver is to open one's eyes.). So now I'm in the back seat with Italy while Japan rode shotgun.

"Vee… I'm so glad you're going to join us! With you around, Germany might not scold me so much anymore~" Part of me feels sorry for him. The other part just wants to trip him up if we ever get chased by zombies.

Needless to say, I was tired, cranky and annoyed. There was no way I was going to fall asleep in between two guys. So my lack of sleep just added to my irritation at my own predicament.

"Vee, Alice?"

"What now?"

"Can we be friends vee?" This guy is definitely going on my weird people list. Along with that Russian guy and practically everyone I've met so far.

"Why would I want to be friends with my slave traders?"

"Ehhh~ Germany would never treat you as a slave! We can be friends since you'll be working at the base. We can have pasta together, cook pasta together, talk about pasta together-" In my sleepy and befuddled state, all I'm hearing is a lot of pasta related stuff.

"Ahh okay okay! Sure whatever then," I sighed, wanting him to stop raving about the joys of pasta related activities. Is it just me or do all the people of this world have food related obsessions! Like America and his burgers.

"Vee! Okay! Lets promise to help each other whenever either one of us are in a pinch! Pinky swear!" Italy held out his right hand with his pinky extended, waiting for me. Well… Isn't that manly?

"You know, I'm kinda in a pinch now…"

"Ehh? I can't help you here, Germany would get mad! And Germany's scaaarryyyy when he's mad!" Italy cried shaking his head from left to right.

"Ugh. Fine fine." So the helping out thing is only valid under certain conditions huh? Lovely. With that, I gave up my case and completed the pinky swear with Italy. Sigh. Why do I have the feeling that this 'friendship' is going to work out partly to my disadvantage?

Luckily, before Italy could start chattering again the SUV pulled to a stop. "We're here." A deep German voice called from the front. "Welcome to the Axis Powers base in Berlin, Germany."

Germany! Did Germany just say Germany! (Wow, that sounds… Really weird to say.) We were in London a few hours ago weren't we? That's beyond freaky. I guess now I know how that guy got around the world in eighty days. Betcha he had Germany's SUV.

The house was just as fancy as the mansion back in London. Expensive looking art pieces on the walls, priceless vases, gorgeous furniture and all of that fancy shebang. Actually, the room I was assigned to wasn't bad. It was simple but pretty damn fancy. But despite my plea to simply plunk myself down on the plushy looking bed and sleep, we had to 'discuss' things first. Pfft. Darn countries. Now, all four of us were gathered in some classy living room, filled with couches and armchairs decked out in soft lush red velvet.

"We should rename you Heidi."

"Why do I need to be renamed for?"

"To show that you are our lackey obviously."

"Eeeeh, I want a cuter name. Like Maria vee~"

"I would prefer a name like Sakura for Alice-san."

"Uh hello? I LIKE the name Alice! You have no right to change it! What am I your dog? Why don't you just put a collar on me or something?" I snapped irritatibly. However, my irritation soon turned to a feeling of dread that I was getting familiar to. All the three countries stared at me and very slowly, tilted their heads in thought.

"…"

….Me and my big mouth. Haven't these people ever heard of sarcasm? I stared at the mirror moodily as I fidgeted with the dark brow leather collar now around my neck. The words, Axis Powers emblazoned on a small circular metal pendant hanging from it. Its held close by a lock so I can't take it off unfortunately. B-But if you think of it from a gothic perspective, it actually looks kind of cool~ Like a fashion statement of sorts. Hehe. Yeah right.


	8. I'll teach you how to boil water

**I'M BACK PEOPLE! Didja miss me~? **

**Uhuhu, writing this chapter was hard… Although I got it planned out already, I was too busy procrastinating… In the end, I was only able to complete this in parts, under a chocolate induced sugar rush and the high feeling sfter watching a ten minute loop of Romano saying 'Germany ah Germany' XD Which incidentally, ended up sounding like 'Germany on top of me' X3 Ahh its so delightfully wrong~ **

**Soo anyway, I made this chapter nice and long to make up for my absence :D**

**CLAIM: I do not own Hetalia blah blah… Only mah OC~**

So here I am, currently being dragged out of the second storey window by a guy in a panda suit. Italy's by the door screaming like a police siren but acting otherwise totally unhelpful. I myself am unable to scream or fight off the incredibly strong pedo panda that has one furry hand clamped over my mouth and the other around my waist, pinning my arms as it prepared to jump out of the window. And while all that was happening, I'm busy trying my best to sustain any amount of sanity that I might have left.

I bet you're wondering exactly how I got in this situation in the first place. Well, even if you're not I'm going to tell you anyway. Deal with it. So in order to not confuse you, let's rewind back to two days ago eh? Or more specifically, the day after my arrival in the Axis Powers base.

"Alice. Wake up."

"Nggh… Five more minutes mom…"

"… WAKE UP THIS INSTANT OR ITS FIVE LAPS AROUND THE FIELD!"

Shooting up out of my bed, I tangled myself up with the blanket and landed in a heap on the floor. As someone who looks to any form of physical activity as a sort of torture, that was blackmail I tell you.

Blushing slightly from my incredibly graceful actions, I quickly got myself untangled and stood up, trying to regain as much of my dignity as possible. Tilting my head back, I locked my dark brown eyes with Germany's icy blue ones. Just from the set of his eyebrows I could tell that he was clearly un-amused.

"Work starts early here at the base. Since you're here now, you can start by taking over Italy in the cooking department. Then finally, finally, he won't have a good excuse to get out of training."

Pppffft. Male chauvinists. Upon seeing you as female, they immediately assign you to 'feminine' jobs like cooking and sewing. Its not like I want to do things like gun practice and stuff but I hate the feeling of getting labeled.

I nodded boredly. How long am I going to be used as a maid here anyway? Well, its no use complaining. For now. I unwrapped the blanket from around me and tossed it on my bed, straightening the soft white button down shirt and dark blue boxers I was wearing.

"Mein gott, why aren't you wearing any pants?" Germany asked, his cheeks tinted slightly pink.

"Hmm? The pants I got was kinda uncomfortable to wear to sleep what with the buttons and belt and all, so I just wore this. Besides, I never wear boxers usually so they feel like shorts to me anyway~"

The day before, I was given some of Japan's clothes to wear. Seeing as I had no luggage with me and finally, someone cares. Japan offered since he was just around my height so it was most likely to fit. Still, Japan's bigger than me in the muscle and general meat department so it was lucky that the set given to me had been accidentally shrunk in the wash (courtesy of a certain bumbling Italian) and they fit me quite well actually.

With a humph and some muttered German words that I didn't catch, (not that I could understand it anyway even if I did. My German lingo stretches only to a few choice swear words.) he turned to stride out of the room.

Part of me very much wanted to climb back into bed and regain my disturbed slumber but after a brief mental debate with myself, I decided that not angering Germany further would be best. Its not that I was scared of him of course. I just don't want my eardrums to bleed. He nags worse than mom.

Sparing a short glance at my old clothes, I snatched a pure white suit from the mahogany closet and went to the bathroom to get myself changed and ready. Somehow being out of the jeans and short sleeved hoodie that I had arrived in gave me an ominous feel. Like I was taking a step forward and could never go back.

~Le small time skip~

Now I was standing in some unfamiliar hallway, clad in Japan's white navy uniform. There were two things I learnt after wandering the halls this morning. One, that Germany has a very… strict sense of style. Every hallway, every door looked exactly the same. Heck, I can't even tell which way I came from let alone find the kitchen.

Second, that he was loud. I could hear them screaming from wherever I was inside the house. I can hear Italy crying and begging too. What jolly sounds in the morning eh?

I felt like kissing the ground when I finally found the kitchen. If you had lived the majority of your life with a sense of direction as bad as mine, you'd understand my joy. I will never look down on Hansel and Gretel anymore.

The kitchen was vast and totally, disturbingly, squeaky clean. Like someone with OCD had gotten to it. Creepy. Oh well, like us messy people say, neat people are just too lazy to look for stuff.

"Now, what to cook~?" I wondered standing before the spotless stove. Oh shit. Do I even know how to cook?

I didn't get many chances to cook back home. My mother had this paranoia of me burning the house down so I was banned from the stove. At school, my friends always vehemently opposed to me cooking whenever it was my turn during home economics. I never really understood why though. I mean, I think my food tastes pretty good.

Aha, they were just afraid of me outshining them in Home Economics. Yep that must be it. There's no way my food could taste bad. I mean, I cooked it right~? So cooking now should be easy enough. Just… Find some suitable ingredients, put them together and viola, food!

While trying to recall vague recipes I witnessed while drooling at the stuff on Food Network, I wrenched open the cabinet doors and drawers, assembling a whole assortment of ingredients. It can't be so hard to cook. I'll just… mix everything together! Yeah that'll most probably work. Isn't it just common sense that good tasting ingredients would make the dish taste good?

Placing a huge pot I found on the stove, I started hurling in ingredients. Since it was breakfast, I threw in a whole carton of oatmeal and some fruits I found. I also threw in some odd short sausage thing from a bag. The instructions on the back of the plastic was in German so I spared it no glance before simply adding it and hoping it would cook properly.

Grabbing a large wooden spoon, I began to stir the mixture while singing Alex Clare's Too Close. Cos everything's just better with some musical involvement right?

Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself to belt out the soulful lyrics, feeling confident that no one would be able to overhear from the field.

"_You know I'm not one to break promises  
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe" _

All the ingredients were gradually getting mushier and breaking up, including those sausages. Is it… Supposed to be like that?

_"At the end of it all, you're still my best friend  
But there's something inside that I need to release  
Which way is right, which way is wrong"_

Shit. Its sticking to the bottom of the pot… Just keep calm and scrape it off…_  
_

"_How do I say that I need to move on  
You know we're headed separate ways" _

Oh right seasoning! Almost forgot… Let's see, since its breakfast, putting in some sugar should be good right? And just put the pepper for good measure. And some cayenne pepper if I can find it. Cos everything tastes better when its sweet and spicy right?_  
_

_"And it feels like I am just too close to love you  
There's nothing I can really say  
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more" _

The-the colour… Shouldn't it be at least red or something from the strawberries I dumped in?! How'd it turn grey? B-but appearances aren't everything right? I still think it'll taste awesome…

_"Got to be true to myself  
And it feels like I am just too close to love you  
So I'll be on my way" _

You know what? That's enough. It looks cooked enough to me.

I switched off the stove and took out four plates, ready to ladle the food inside. Yes I'm calling it food despite what it may look like. Its going to taste freaking awesome I tell you!

The absence of my singing seemed to make the house feel kinda empty so I reared up my lungs to start once more and ended up shrieking slightly when I heard someone come into the kitchen.

"_Gomennasai*_ Alice-san! Did I startle you?" Japan asked in his subdued voice. I realized he was dressed in some cute, blue sailor boy outfit, probably his training clothes. "Oh the uniform looks nice on you…" Japan commented, smiling at me. Actually, I felt relieved that he wasn't dressed in his military garb. I mean I'd most probably end up looking like a female version of him if we both were to wear it together.

"Huh? Oh thanks! It fits me well~ The food's ready by the way."

"Oh that's good. Do you need help setting up? The dining room is through those doors," Did he have to say dining room? It made this entire thing feel so unnecessarily formal. After all, I'm just passing food to three sweaty guys right?

With Japan carrying the covered pot and me the plates, we trooped into the dining room where Italy and Germany were already seated at the long mahogany table.

"_Anno**_.. The odor coming from the pot is rather strange Alice-san…"

"Ah, no worries, its most probably edible."

"… _haik***…_"

Italy looked positively happy to see me as his face broke into a blinding smile. Or maybe he's just happy to see the food. Looking at how he's watching the pot, I think it's the latter. Barely glancing in my direction, the Italian threw a "Ciao Alice~" at me and continued ravenously staring down the pot. Germany simply stuck to his usual passive expression which slowly morphed as I started to ladle out the food.

Feeling horribly like the bad tempered, grey haired lunch lady at my school, I picked up a ladle and began plopping the oatmeal mix on to each of the plates. Setting down a plate in front of the each of us, I sat down and waited for them to start eating first. (**Its customary in Asia. Guests eats first~**)

It was pretty interesting to watch actually. Italy took the first uncertain bite, after first casting terrified looks at me and Germany I might add. The effect was instantaneous. His body froze for about half a second before he threw down his spoon and bolted from the table screaming "NOOOOO!" with much gusto.

I confess that the mood at the table became a lot more awkward after that outburst. Tch. Its not my fault if Italy's palette is much too weak to accept my obviously delicious food. Germany watched his bowl of oatmeal apprehensively (Or as apprehensive as his facial emotions can get I suppose. That robot.) and picked up his spoon.

"What is this anyway?"

"Oatmeal. Duh."

"It doesn't look like it to me."

"Well, food is supposed to change colour after being cooked isn't it? Don't be such a wimp and just eat it."

My words seemed to snap him out of whatever he was feeling. With his manliness in question, he dove his spoon into the bowl and brought the grey sludge to his parted lips. After a few rapid shakes of his head and various looks of distress, he got through the first bite of his oatmeal mix.

"Is that _wrust_ in here?!"

"Is that the sausage thing? Oh yeah! For… protein and taste!"

"You mentioned surviving England's cooking before right? I can now see why…"

What was that supposed to mean? My cooking is way better than England's! At least I feel that it is.

Japan inclined his head slightly, and picked up his spoon while for some reason, perspiring. Swallowing the mixture thickly, he coughed into his hand before noticing my gaze on him. Turning towards me, he gave a polite (and oddly strained) smile and said "It had such a… Unique flavour… ittatakimasu****…"

I grinned at the compliment. "Of course it tastes unique! Its awesome flavour can only have been achieved by me~!" I sang in a triumphant voice. For a moment, I thought I could hear Germany mumbling something along the lines of "She acts like bruder…" Well whatever.

Finally I started to eat. This whole process had taken an unusually long time and I was famished. I chewed the oatmeal slowly, exploring its taste. It tasted a bit burnt sure, but other than that, nothing wrong really. The sweetness of the berries, crunch of the oatmeal, salty wrust, oh and some flavour I can't really put my finger on. It tasted fine to me. Good almost.

"Tastes pretty good~" I said to Germany and Japan's facepalms.

"_Anno_, Alice-san," The polite nation began, "maybe we should move you to cleaning instead… I-I mean, we need more help there! Right Doitsu-san*****?"

"Oh ja! Ja I agree with Japan…"

Whaaat? Weren't they the ones who pushed this job on me? What happened to Italy's 'training' and all that crap? Tch. Maybe _doitsu_'s just scared I'll deplete his wrust stock. Irritated nod given, I was whisked away immediately by an overly enthusiastic Japan, who paused to shout to Italy from the front door that it was safe to return.

* * *

After successfully knocking down a vase (It fell on the thick carpeted floor and survived fortunately) and Japan from his cleaning post at the top of the ladder (Not so fortunate for either of us this time), we were both feeling an understandable bit of strain.

However, Japan seemed determined despite it all to keep me as his cleaning buddy. He all but tied me to the broom when I mentioned that cooking was my preferred chore.

Well, aside from the slightly creepy determination to keep me as his fellow cleaner, it was pretty fun actually. He's pretty quiet so I could go on talking (or more like ranting) without any interruptions. Aside from the regular "Please be careful!" he sprouts almost habitually at me, of course.

Needless to say, I was pretty beat when the day had finally turned to dusk. Italy supplied the lunch (in which everyone seemed to be ravenous for.) and dinner of pasta. Big surprise there. Something tells me I'm going to be very sick of tomatoes and noodle soon.

I retreated to my room gratefully the moment the sun went down, intending to immediately plunk myself down on the bed and practice snoring. (That was a figment of speech obviously. I don't snore.) Due to my intense nuzzling of the pillows, it took me a while to notice the huge figure in the corner of my room.

When I did though, I let loose an uncharacteristically girly scream of shock and terror. In the once free corner of my room now sat a massive panda, its huge furry form taking up most of the space in that corner of the room. I stared at the bear and it stared back, unmoving.

Approaching it cautiously with my pillow for a shield, I slowly made my way over and poked its soft fur. A few more pokes and still it didn't move. Feeling slightly more confident, I grabbed its fuzzy arm and pulled to, once again, no reaction whatsoever. But boy, was it heavy! I could barely move it an inch.

All my senses are telling me that this is just a stuffed toy. A stuffed panda toy that just so happened to end up inside my room. Ah well, I'm too tired to think too much now. With a barely suppressed giggle I buried my head into its soft fur, cuddling the panda.

"OMG ITS SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE!" I squealed, admittedly quite childishly, but still. Dignity can be put on hold when hugging pandas.

While I was clutching the panda, I felt the smooth surface of paper against my face. Pulling myself back, I inspected a small pink label attached to a string around the panda's neck. In very small, cursive and almost unreadable handwriting, it said '_This stuffed toy is a gift. Please enjoy it. Signed, Japan' _A present? From Japan of all people? Huh. Maybe it's a thank you for the meal I cooked? After all, he seemed to appreciate it. Wow. The Japanese are really generous. This gift would be hard to beat…

Well, I'll just thank him tomorrow then. Setting myself once more on the bed, I prepared to go to sleep. Easier said than done actually, with that bear sitting there. Even though its confirmed that the panda is just a stuffed toy, it's unblinking gaze is creeping me out. Like its staring at me personally. Shaking off these unnecessary feelings, I drifted off to an uneasy slumber.

Nope. The kidnapping scene does not happen now. I did say that this happened two days ago, not one. So you'd have to wait for me to re-tell the next day to you when the crude kidnapping actually happens. Because it takes time to organize one's thoughts while hanging limp from the arms of a monster panda. Sigh.

**Dun dun dun. Cliffhangers~ Oh how I love them~ Muhahaha. Review da?**

Translations:

_*Sorry_

_**Uhhh~_

_***Yes~ (or in this case, okkayy…)_

_****Thank you for the food._

_*****Mr Germany_


	9. PanDa!

**This author's note is ungodly long so feel free to skip it if you want :D**

**I'm so sorry for the super late update! I was really busy with homework and moping around at how understocked Singapore is with Hetalia goods. Y U NO SELL HETALIA STUFF SINGAPORE?! Sigh, my poor friends went on a whole countrywide search for it just for my birthday present. Coz they know its my current obsession XD. (Even though they themselves don't even know the anime) This is mah shoutout to them~ THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME GUYS! Well, I tried my hand at some fluff in this chapter :D But I'm not good at writing it so its really little. Like miniscule. If you squint you might be able to catch it :3 (But I love reading fluff~ I mean who dosen't right? Its such teeth rotting goodness~)**

**CLAIM: I only own my OC. Everything else belongs to well, whoever owns it.**

For what seemed like the hundredth time, I was rudely awoken in the wee hours of the morning by a person's certain heavily accented nagging. Might I remind you that this is still my _holiday_?! Exactly why am I even being treated like this? Why can't I be transported into My Little Pony? (The world. Not the horse itself obviously.) At least it rains chocolate milk there. When I finally get my hands on that black hole operator, I'm going to shove a lit fire cracker up his… Ahem. Anyway.

There I was, reveling in the soft cotton of the bed covers, relishing the soft fluffy cushion stuffing that supported my visage. Only to be jolted awake by a certain German elephant throwing open the door and moving in with the sort of entrance that would put an enraged bull to shame.

"Up! Its time to get up n- HOLY FURHER WHAT IS _THAT_?!"

"What is it now Germany? I'm even wearing pants this time…" With a groan I lifted my tired head from the pillows and pulled my eyelids open. Only to stare stunned for a moment at the scene before me. Germany was in full battle stance, gun at the ready and pointing at Panda. (I'll just call it that. It's way easier than the-giant-black-and-white-bear-that-just-so-happened-to-appear-in-my-room. See? So much shorter.)

"Get behind me Alice."

"Huh? For what?"

"If you're sitting over there how am I supposed to protect you?!" Germany snapped irritatedly, invoking a blush on my cheeks. Darn him for sounding so… Heroic…

"The bear's not going to kill you Germany. Its just a toy." I muttered turning my face away from him.

"That thing… Is supposed to be some giant stuffed toy? What is it doing _here_?!" Ahh the shame. The nightmare of all men, to wake up and find out that an item of pure fluffy adorableness has taken residence in his house.

"Japan gave it to me. I think its out of appreciation for my wonderful cooking. Now put away that gun before I call the animal activists."(Seriously does he bring that everywhere? Even in his own house?)

His ice blue eyes widened at my answer. Aren't there just so many startling revelations we're getting this morning? "Japan? For your cooking out of all things? That seems unlikely," Germany stated wearily, sheathing his gun in his back pocket.

"You know, a wise man once told me, one should never keep his gun in the back pocket. You might end up shooting off one of your buttocks by accident."

"… Then I hope it doesn't happen to me. Now get up. We've wasted enough time here already."

~~~TIME SKIPPPPP~~~

"I'm sick and tired of this crap!" I hissed throwing down my broom. I admittedly wasn't in the best of moods. A drastic change from my usually bubbly and witty personality. I blame it on the tiring under-fire incident in the morning and the whole holiday-less situation I was in. Plus the forced labor of course.

Besides, I'm a teenager. Its part of the job requirement to be all bitchy and angsty.

Japan nodded seriously at my outburst. "_Haik._ Clearing out dung from the stables can be quite tiring."

"No, that's not what I ment…"

"I myself am quite surprised that _Doitsu-san _keeps horses. I do wonder if he uses them in parades…"

"UGH! Stop being so… so calm dammnit! I'm throwing a tantrum here! Can't you be more… responsive?!"

"M-My apologies Alice-san. Please go ahead and throw the tantrum. I shall try to act appropriately." I felt my eye twitch at his words. His giddying calmness was infuriating. And remenicent of my mom's. Mom. Dad. I wonder what they're doing while I'm here clearing horse poo. Are they looking for me? I've been missing for days now.

I watched the ground, lost in thought. Completely ignoring Japan who had paused in his sweeping to watch me calmly and wait for his cue. "… Do you miss your family Alice-san?"

My head flicked up at his words, eyes set to glare him down. "Obviously I do you… you tea head!"… What? There was just something about Japan that made me family-rate my insults. Besides, he IS a psychic tea head.

"I see. That is… Unfortunate, to say the least. As I doubt you would be able to leave soon…" Japan murmured almost inaudibly. What was that supposed to mean? How long are these idiots planning to keep me?!

"Why don't you try trimming the rosebushes instead?" Japan asked, louder this time, smiling at me like he was doing me a favour. "I can finish up here. Perhaps the fresh air would be good for you, yes?" The sound of a snap. There goes my nerves.

"No. You know what? I don't think I will." I seethed at him stalking out.

Do you even want to know how I ended up in Germany's care afterwards? Its quite a fascinating story. There I was, ambling through the forest surrounding the house, growing irritated at practically anything that moved in there when I was knocked down without much ceremony by a squealing Italy. Because these people don't know the meaning of alone time and personal space.

Apparently, he was on the run from a torturous Germany, who was intent on making him run laps and turn him into some kind of Olympic medalist. Me being well, me, lent a listening ear like how I usually did. That is to say, let him ramble on and on while I try to tune him out and just smile and nod.

So we were standing around doing just that when Germany appeared out of literally nowhere (I bet he has like an Italy radar attached to him.) and dragged Italy back. Dragging the idle me along with him.

At first he was confused. "Aren't you supposed to be cleaning with Japan?"

Then he started to muse. "I suppose you could join us then… Gender should be no barrier. A soldier is a soldier…"

Then he turned on the idiot factor. "You at least know how to shoot a gun right?" At least he says. I'm a sixteen year old school girl! Not some trainee assassin!

So all in all, that's how I ended up running rounds with the rest of them. I tried to force my feet forward but in their jellyfish state from all the unfamiliar exercise, they refused to move any faster than an amble. I was thus forced to watch Germany's retreating back as he continued on at a steady pace. Me and ,surprisingly, Italy brought up the rear. Wasn't he Mr road runner when I first met him? Maybe he's as allergic to exercise as I am. But he looks pretty fit. I on the other hand, am just not cut out for exercise. So why am I not quitting? Like hell am I gonna quit and face Germany's I-knew-it and general stick in the ass expression.

Unsurprisingly, I retreated to the safety of my room pale, sweaty and ever so thankful for the invention of showers and mattresses. Pawing for a new set of clothes in the wardrobe, I was too tired to look up when I heard the door open. Or notice anything else for that matter. However, I did look up when the screaming started. And that's when all hell broke loose.

Turning around quickly and almost falling over, I caught a glimpse of a horrified Italy in the doorway before I felt an arm wrapping itself around my waist. Frozen in shock, I turned my head around slowly, to meat the giant fury head of Panda. Oh my Chucky. [1] Its night of the living dolls.

Contributing a scream of my own, I tried unsuccessfully to squirm away before a paw was clamped over my own mouth, preventing me from screaming. Ignoring Italy's wailing and my weak attempts to throw it off, the panda dragged me over to the window and prepared to jump out. And that's it. You're up to speed.

I saw Japan And Germany run, fully armed, into the room before we dropped out of sight. Absorbing the impact on its fuzzy feet, the panda hoisted me up into his arms bridal style and ran off without missing a beat. I doubt the panda's from Japan now. Come to think about it, I was too preoccupied to even question him about it.

"Haa. That was hard da…" OMG. The Panda just talked. And he has a surprisingly familiar voice. Accented, child-like, Russian… Oh_ hell_ naw.

"Russia?" I squeaked, leaning as far as possible away from the panda. I wasn't scared of him of course. Let's just call it, judiciously nervous.

"Da! Its been a while Alice~ But its okay, we can bond again back at my home da? I promise not to let you go anymore~" … Help. Please.

**CLIFFHANGERSSS~ Ohohohon, coz I just like it like that :3 Oh and I have a small request to make here if you don't mind. If anyone has any good Italian pick up lines, mind sharing them with me? I'll promise to credit you if I do :D (forshadowing for a later chapter yay~) REVIEW YO!.**

[1] Chucky? Ya know, that totally disturbing horror movie that makes me shriek every time I see dolls now?


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